Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Hard Days!

I can’t believe it’s already been six weeks, and at the same time it feels like we’ve been here forever!  These last two weeks have really had their ups and downs.  I waver between really excited about what the Lord has for us here, and then I hit the bottom and feel lethargic and tired and sad!  I feel unmotivated and weary! 

Perhaps one of the greatest fears right now is our kids!  Will they adjust well?  Will they learn to love it here?  Will they learn the language and be able to interact well with other kids?  Hailey has struggled the most—and has even verbalized at times that she doesn’t want to live here.  She misses friends, she hates cold showers, she doesn’t really like spicy food!  And although she can verbalize a lot, she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions right now—so it comes out in frustration towards her siblings or towards us.  At times she has seemed very angry, and during those times it is so hard not to question if we are doing the right thing! 

Yesterday I caught Hailey looking through a book of pictures, and it made me start to cry.  I asked her if she was missing people, and she said “yes, especially when I look at this book!”  I began crying and she asked, “Mom, are you sad?”  She then went and told Ben that today was a hard day for mommy to be in Mexico.  It’s the truth—there are days when I love it here, and days when it is so hard!  There are days when I feel bold and ambitious to learn the language and to try speaking with Juliana or engaging others when they come by—but there are days I’d rather be alone and not have to try to speak Spanish to anyone!  There are days when the bugs don’t bother me at all—and I don’t even notice them, and other days when it seems that I notice every single one and everything feels overly dirty and I just want to scream! 

But over all, the hardest part is missing people—people who really know me, who know my kids, who speak my language!!!

Yet in the midst of the loneliness and sadness, God has tenderly loved me through my husband and my children.  He has given us sweet times of singing together.  He has helped me enjoy moments of really talking—as friends—with my daughters.  He has given me a son who makes me laugh so much and another son who just loves for mommy to cuddle him!  And He is growing my marriage in many ways!  The Lord has blessed me with a man who loves me—who is gentle and patient and tender towards me!  Mostly, the Lord has reminded me—and encouraged me—that  He has us here in Ometepec for His good purposes!  And, I truly believe one of those purposes is to grow our family and deepen our relationships with each other and with Him! 

So, yes, the hard days have come and will continue to come.  And I pray that God, by His Holy Spirit will give me the grace and strength to keep my eyes on Him during those days—and that He will gently hold me and comfort me with His promises!  And I pray that  He will help me to rejoice and celebrate the fun times, cherish the little moments of success (like baking cookies for the first time in Mexico!) and learn to laugh at myself!

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